Today's post is a more personal, emotional one. I'm not trying to complain or make people feel sorry for me, I have just had a lot of time to think and need to get it off my chest.
I have lived in Illinois for 7 and 1/2 years now, and I still do not have anyone here that I can call my best friend. I have always been so busy with my family that it has never been a big deal I guess, but now that I'm sitting here alone every day the realization has kind of slapped me in the face. I mean I don't want to sound pathetic - I have a lot of good friends up here. I have work friends, church friends, Rubin's friends, and his family. But to them I will always just be a "work friend" or "Rubin's wife." I don't have a special connection with anyone here that I can truly call a best friend, and that they could say the same about me. I still have best friends from high school and college, but they all live over 12 hours away from me. I don't have anyone to just to shopping with or go out to lunch with, or right now that will just come over and hang out with me and keep me company for a couple of hours. I know that it's my own fault - I have never really made the time to form relationships with people. I have always had an excuse, but with working, going to school, and having young kids at home I'm not really sure where I'm supposed to find the time.
Okay I'm done whining for now - I guess after 3 weeks of sitting here the loneliness is starting to kick in, especially without my boys here to at least keep me busy and entertained. Maybe it's the fact that I just watched Sex and the City 2, which was a terrible movie, but I guess I'm just jealous that they all have each other.
Guess I'll go watch some more HGTV or start a new book :)

Dr Appt Update

So today I got to leave the house!! I have never been more excited to go to the doctor - I dried and straightened my hair and put on make up and cute clothes. Oh the joys...
Anyway, I had an ultrasound and appt with the MFM Specialist. The first part of the u/s went great. They said Carter looks super healthy and his measurements are perfect, actually a day ahead. I still have placenta previa, so it hasn't moved up and doesn't look like it's going to. He also re-diagnosed the vasa previa. There are definitely veins around the cervix area and although they can't tell for sure if they are actually covering the cervix, it is too close for comfort so he thinks we have to call it that. I am back home now and still on super strict bedrest, and he really doesn't want me moving at all other than to the bathroom. I know that's what they had told me before but I guess after 3 weeks I probably relaxed a little and was moving more than I should have been, but now knowing about the vasa previa he has me scared enough to listen and do as I'm told. If I go into labor at any point it is super dangerous and life-threatening so we have to make sure that doesn't happen. He said they will probably do a c-section at 34-35 weeks, and after looking at the calendar I'm actually hoping for 34 weeks - it is August 8! My other 2 boys birthdays are 5-5 and 2-2, so 8-8 would just be awesome!
I'm still feeling great (and have only gained like a pound and a half in the past month, which is amazing), but there is definitely still a major risk, so keep praying that I don't start bleeding again or go into preterm labor at all. Both situations would be really bad right now.
I have an appointment with my OB next week and then go back to the specialist for another appt and ultrasound in 3 weeks. Will keep everyone updated!

The Bonnie and Linda "Clean Sweep"

So this weekend (Fri/Sat), Rubin's stepmom and her sister came over to help me organize all of the toys that had taken over my house. By the end of the weekend, my coat closet, laundry room/pantry, living room, and basement were completely cleared out and organized! For those of you getting ready to yell at me, no, I didn't help with any of the manual labor. I sat on the couch and they would bring me piles of papers, bins of junk, etc. to sort through and decide what to keep and throw out. We got rid of a TON of junk!! Had to pay some guys to come and haul everything away. We also ordered a new couch and loveseat for the living room, so we had the guys move the sectional down to the basement and threw out the old nasty couches we had down there. Here is a before picture of my basement and then some after pictures. They did an amazing job and I feel about 50 pounds lighter with all of the clutter gone!! I just hope we can keep it this way!!!
Basement "Before":


Basement "After"

Meals

Several people have asked how they can help us or if we need meals, etc. One of the ministries at our church called yesterday and they set up a Meal Baby site for us. If you are interested, you can go on and sign up for a day to bring a meal or purchase restaurant gift cards, etc. We have had so many people ask and this is a great way to keep everything organized so we don't end up with 3 meals on the same day and then nothing for 2 weeks or whatever. Anyway, they told me to share the link with anyone so I figured here was the best place to do it.

http://mealbaby.com/viewregistry/512650

Well, 2 weeks ago today my life went into a tailspin. It doesn't seem like it's been that long, so I guess that's a good sign that time seems to be going by pretty quickly. I am missing my boys like crazy but we have skyped them a few times and they are having a great time. Brayden is absolutely loving camp and all of the fun things he has been doing, and Cameron is loving playing with his cousin Bailee (they are only 6 months apart).
I know I mentioned that I was going to continue to work from home at least part time, but after researching it more it just isn't going to work out, so I am filing for disability.
I wish I had something more exciting to update but there isn't much going on right now :) I am trying to convince Rubin to buy me new couches. Now that I'm spending so much time on this one it's getting on my nerves more than it ever did and I think it would make a great basement couch, so wish me luck with that!! I have been watching way too much HGTV and am making a list of projects I want to tackle once I'm allowed to get up (although then I'll have 3 kids including a newborn so it's not like I'll have time or energy to do any of them).
Okay I guess those are all of my random updates for now. Thank you all for the prayers - keep them coming and I'll keep him cooking :)

26 Weeks

Today I am 26 weeks along - another week under my belt and another week that Carter is getting bigger and stronger!! I have been home from the hospital for a full week now, and so far things have been good, but last week my mom and the boys were still here to keep me company. Yesterday morning my parents left with the boys and I cried like a baby as they drove off. I don't know why - I'm excited for them to get to spend this time and am thankful for my parents taking them. Rubin and I had even talked about when they would be old enough to send them down there for a week or so in the summers. It was just hard to see them go. I think we have decided that they will probably be gone for 3 weeks and that is a long time!! I also finally had my first emotional breakdown yesterday since this whole crazy ordeal started. I asked Rubin to do something for me and then kinda lost it - I just hate feeling so helpless and not being able to do anything. I have to ask him to do everything - get me a drink out of the fridge, make my food and bring it to me on the couch, grab me some Tylenol and on top of that he is now expected to pick up the house and do everything else that I can't do anymore. I just hate having to rely on someone else so much and hate putting the extra responsibilities on him. Hopefully we will settle into a routine over time and with the boys gone the house should stay fairly clean once we get it that way. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I guess I'm just starting to feel the frustration. Please continue to pray for us as we continue on this long road.

Blessed

I just wanted to update and let everyone know that things are going fine so far. I know everyone is still asking how I'm feeling etc., and want to let everyone know that I actually feel completely fine. I have had absolutely no pain or discomfort at all, but that doesn't really mean anything. I felt completely fine the day I started bleeding, and still felt fine while bleeding. There is just no warning sign - I can be completely fine one minute and then start bleeding the next, so it is just the fear of the unknown.
To answer several more questions:
Yes, my mom is still taking the kids back home with her this weekend. There is absolutely no way that I can be left here to watch the kids by myself. If it was just Brayden then maybe, but with a 2 year old it is impossible.
Yes, this is our last baby. I had really wanted one more, although Rubin was completely against it (which doesn't mean much....I'm convinced I would have eventually gotten my way :)). After hemmoraging with Cameron and now this, I have decided that there is no way I can put myself or my family through this situation again, so I will have my tubes tied during my c-section. Maybe we can adopt someday.... ;)
Work is being very flexible and we are currently trying to come up with a plan for me to work from home so that I don't have to go on disability for quite as long since it is only 50% pay. This will be a huge blessing for us, and it's not like I have anything better to do while laying here!!
For those who have asked what they can do for us - this week we are fine because my mom is still here so she is feeding me :) After she goes home next week with the boys, visits, food, anything would be welcome. I will be laying here by myself day after day while Rubin is working, and meals are limited to me grabbing something out of the fridge and maybe using the microwave for a few seconds. If it requires standing for longer than that, I'm not allowed to do it, so my meal options will be pretty limited fora while.
I think that answers most of the questions from people but feel free to ask if you want to know anything else :)
I also want to take a few minutes to thank my family for how amazing they have been. My mom just took off and flew up here on a minutes notice, and Rubin's family has been awesome with helping out and stopping by. I also have gotten several pair of VS Pink pants, since I was wearing my absolute favorite pair on Thursday and had to throw them away (and I don't just go by myself $50 sweatpants on a regular basis so these were kind of a prized possession!). I am truly blessed and feel very loved and cared for. I also wanted to quickly mention that the nurses at the hospital were A-MA-ZING. They all genuinely seemed to care about how I was doing and would call or stop by on their days off just to check on me. They were all super!!